Ulterior Motives
by Vals
Summary: Sometimes, things seem too easy, and sometimes, things aren't what they seem to be. Permanent Hiatus: turned out to be pure fluff since it was never finished.
1. gadgets

Chapter 1  
  
Arvin Sloane. I despise that name; I despise that man. He is the reason I am sitting in this dark, miserable warehouse with my handler, instead of out doing something normal with him. Instead of., I stop myself mid sentence. The insane bastard once again decided to send me on another mission. It never ends. Don't they have other field agents at SD-6? Sometimes it feels as if Dixon and I do all the work, but this time I was going solo.  
  
Running my finger carelessly down the edge of the crate I find myself staring into his eyes. It's so easy to get lost in them, so easy to drown in those endless pools of bright, shimmering green. He's talking, I see his mouth moving, but I don't hear a thing. My eyes wander across his face, his words forgotten. They travel down his body, taking him in slowly, but thirstily. He's taken his jacket off and I can see traces of his well- traced body under his shirt. My eyes stray to his arms, so strong and protective.  
  
Suddenly, I realize my mistake and tear my gaze from him. I hope he hasn't noticed me staring at him. This happens too often. My mind wanders into restricted areas. I can't be thinking of this! What is wrong with me?! I have to pay attention!  
  
"Syd?" He's interrupts me scolding myself, "did you hear anything I said in the last five minutes?" I open my mouth to speak but quickly clamp it shut again. He looks at me curiously, his forehead furrowing, drawing out those adorable forehead wrinkles. No! I can't do this again!  
  
"Of course I heard what you were saying, or most of it anyways." I smile weakly as he shakes his head. Thank god, I sigh with relief, he's smiling as well. I love his smile, it really brings out the.. Oh great, I'm doing it again! What would you were in the presence of quite frankly the most gorgeous man whose ever breathed? Yeah, that's what I thought! God Dammit, self control woman! I sit up and make myself pay attention and he kindly begins all over again.  
  
***  
  
I sit on my bed and sigh. I'm usually very organized, a place for everything and everything is there, but as I look around my room I realize -- it's a mess. I propel myself around the room, picking clothes up off the floor and tossing them into the corner laundry basket. I have a few hours to get ready, and then I have to go meet with Vaughn again before my plane leaves.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"The mission's not that complicated, but it we've got to keep close track of you. The tech guys are working on things to add to your outfit. So your going to have to come by again before your flight leaves." He ran a hand through his hair and smiled at me. "Since your stopping by later, I'll give you most of the details about the counter mission then." I nodded and grabbed my purse.  
  
"See you later then, Vaughn"  
  
"Yeah Syd, see you in a bit"  
  
*End flashback*  
  
An hour later I looked around the room satisfied. It neat and clean the way, it way it should be. My suitcase was packed and ready to go. I picked up the laundry basket and carried it to the laundry room, setting it down on the dryer. After placing the clothes in the machine I put the basket away and wandered into my bathroom. I had to get ready to leave now. I took a quick refreshing shower and slipped on some comfortable clothes. On my way out of the bathroom I paused at the mirror. I looked simple, wearing just some lip gloss, a little bit of eyeshade, and some mascara, but something told me to go make myself "beautiful". So I did, I applied my normal amount of makeup; the whole time feeling a little guilty because I knew part of it was just to impress him.  
  
After satisfied with my makeup, I gently folded my outfit for the mission and placed it in my gym bag. Vaughn said we were going to be using a lot of tech, and I should get ready there. I put on my coat and hang the gym bag on my shoulder. Picking up my suitcase and keys, I left the house and headed for my car.  
  
***  
  
I walked into the warehouse, my sneakers made no noise as I approached Vaughn, unlike the usual clicking of heels. I seemed to have caught him by surprise, but he smiled, greeting me. I looked around and noticed that there were some things in the room that had not been there before. When Vaughn said he would bring the necessaries I didn't realize it would be this much. A divider was set up in the corner by some boxes and a full- length mirror stood nearby.  
  
"How did you get all of this in here?" How could he get such large objects in without being noticed?  
  
"I have my ways," he chuckled when he saw the look on my face. "Actually, I found the divider in one of the back rooms and the mirror wasn't too hard to get in here." He smiled.  
  
"Oh, okay," he called me over towards a table. Slowly, he pulled a garment off of it.  
  
"You need to wear this under your dress." He held up a black slip and blushed.  
  
"What does it do?" The words left my lips slowly jumbled together. He blushed more deeply.  
  
"Well," he cleared his throat, "it is made of a special material that will let you pass through the security scan without setting anything off; you'll need it for tracker." I looked at him and nodded my head, allowing him to continue. He picked up another object off of the table.  
  
"This necklace is the actual tracker, just slip it on and we'll be able to know your position the whole time." I was a bit confused.  
  
"Why is it so important that you know my position?"  
  
"So we can see where in the house you are retrieving the intel. We want to pinpoint the home and keep track of it." He put the necklace back down and picked up a pair of satin gloves. "We got some new intel that SD-6 does not have. In order to gain access to Rodriguez's office you need his handprint. I believe you've used something like this before?" I nodded my head in confirmation, "Ok then, you know what to do." He smirks and makes sure I understood, "that's it then, you can go get dressed behind the divider and then we can take a look in the mirror."  
  
"Alright," I picked the items off of the table and stepped behind the divider. For a moment I just stood there, silent, and listened to the quiet around me. Peeking around the divider I could see Vaughn sitting in the plastic chair, waiting for me to finish. I slid behind the divider once again, and slowly, began removing my clothes.  
  
****  
  
God no! You sick-minded people out there.. ;) Did you guys like this? There's more details about the mission coming, don't worry.everything will be explained. 


	2. damn zippers

Chapter 2  
  
After pulling off my t-shirt and jeans I reached for the slip. I held it in my range of vision and studied it. I didn't know what to make of it so I simply shrugged and put it on. Ignoring the strong urge to suddenly run to the full-length mirror, I pulled out the long royal blue dress from my gym bag. After struggling with the zipper of the dress for about five minutes I let out a sigh of exasperation.  
  
"Vaughn! Can you help me out please?" He was already walking towards me when my mouth dropped open. I was still in the slip; practically naked! I searched furiously for something to cover myself up with but it was too late. I turned around and found an extremely flustered and dazed Vaughn. I held the dress in front of me, trying to ease my increasingly red face. He stood still, stunned, and just looked at me.  
  
"Uh.what do you need help with?" His face was almost as red as mine, if not more. I held the dress out and smiled weakly, more flustered by the second.  
  
"The zipper's stuck" Slowly he walks towards me and takes the dress, leaving me completely revealed. Sitting down on a nearby crate, I watch as Vaughn tries to get the zipper to cooperate and find myself fiddling with my bracelet. I sit silently and observe him; it's not every day I get to watch him. I can see he's frustrated, but he finally succeeds. Smiling, he hands the dress back to me. I return his smile and he walks away, leaving me alone behind the divider again. I pulled on the dress and reached for the zipper. Damn. It's stuck, again, and I can't even reach it. I feel like such a helpless idiot.  
  
"Vaughn?" I call out weakly and he rushes back. "I can't reach the zipper, and I think it's stuck again" He walks towards me and grabs hold of the short zipper. He pulls up sharply, but slowly. I'm just about melting from the feeling of his hand bushing against my back when he laughs.  
  
"How are you going to get this on when I'm not there?" I smile and wish he could come, I certainly wouldn't mind. Reluctantly, I step away from him and put on the blue strappy 4-inch heels that went with the dress. Vaughn picked up the necklace and we walked over to the full-length mirror. I spun around in front of the mirror admiring the dress; it was really beautiful. It was a halter-style dress with white and silver beads adorning the neckline and hemline, but my favorite part was how it shimmered in the dull light. As I turned I noticed that the dress exposed almost my entire back. Thank god that the tech guys had made the slip so it wouldn't be seen in this dress, they must have been warned about SD-6's dresses. "I'll help you put the necklace on," he said quietly, and I pulled my hair into a messy bun as he delicately unclasped the necklace.  
  
"Thanks" He smiled and placed the necklace gently around my neck, his hands lingering a little longer than necessary on the back of my neck, sending chills down my spine.  
  
"Syd, you look.beautiful" I smiled and looked down. His hands slipped down and hung dangerously close to mine. He was so close to me, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I stared into the full-length mirror; we looked perfect together. When I closed my eyes I could imagine his arms around my waist. I felt his hand brush against mine and was about to capture it with my own when my cell phone rang. Dammit it all.  
  
In an instant we were separated, the distance between us goring at an incredible rate. I cursed under my breath and pulled my cell phone out of my gym bag.  
  
"Hello?" I heard a familiar voice on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Hey Syd!" It was Francie, " I got your note and I just wanted to wish you good luck on your trip" I groaned.  
  
"Thanks Fran" No matter how good her intentions were or how much I loved her, she had still interrupted my moment with Vaughn.  
  
"Also, I wanted to know when you were coming back" I must have forgotten to include that in the note, so I guess it was really my fault she had called.  
  
"I'll be back from Seattle tomorrow night"  
  
"Alright Syd, have a good trip! Bye!" I said goodbye and hung up quickly, shoving the phone back into my bag.  
  
"Seattle?" he said chuckling.  
  
"Well I can't very well tell her I'm going to a mansion in Malaga on a mission for the CIA, now can I?" He shot me a playful grin as I disappeared behind the divider. Leaning against the boxes I closed my eyes and smiled. We had been so close, even if it had been for only a few seconds. I tried to snap myself out of it but a warm feeling stayed with me, filling me completely, as I removed the necklace and began to remove the dress. I smiled to myself quickly.  
  
"Vaughn? It's the zipper again." He came back, a wide grin planted on his face, and helped me lower the zipper and get out of the dress. I was still wearing the heels when I stepped out of the dress and tripped. Instinctively, Vaughn grabbed me before I could fall and I found myself in his arms, once again wearing nothing but a slip. I felt the color rise to my cheeks, and even though I could have stayed like that forever, we moved apart quickly.  
  
"Are you okay?" I picked up the dress and looked into his eyes. There was an awkward pause as the room was filled with a threatening silence.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for catching me" He flashed me a smile and walked back to his plastic chair, leaving me with the dress in my hands and a million thoughts and emotions running through my mind. After dressing and packing everything back away, I stepped out form behind the divider and picked up my suitcase and gym bag.  
  
"Vaughn?" He got up and walked towards me. "I better get going, or I'll miss my flight" He nodded his head and handed me the gloves.  
  
"Don't forget these" I smiled, looking down at my feet.  
  
"Don't worry I won't" I walked past him, our shoulders brushing against each other slightly, and as about to walk out the door when he called out to me.  
  
"Syd, good luck, and be careful" I ran my hand through my hair and looked up at him.  
  
"Thanks, and I will be" I turned and walked out the door without looking back, my heels clicking against the hard warehouse floor.  
  
A/N: you've heard a little bit more about the mission in this chapter, like the fact that it's in Malaga, Spain. There will be more info about it in the next chap too. I know the first 2 chaps were all fluff, lol, but don't worry all the other stuff's coming too! 


	3. green eyes

Chapter 3  
  
I walk gracefully into the mansion looking around me. The place is packed; it won't be hard to move around without being noticed. The mission was simple, I was to attend this party, being held by Alejandro Rodriguez, and break into his office upstairs and hack into his computer, retrieving the files on the computer and saving them on a disk for sd-6. At the party I would give the real one to a CIA agent also attending, and he would give me a fake disk, which held some dummy files created by the CIA for SD-6.  
  
What intrigued me about his mission was that Sloane wanted us to retrieve this information, but did not know what the information would be, or so he said. There was no apparent reason to be going after anything this man might have, but the CIA decided that they wanted the information in their hands just in case. Before I could get into the office, I would have to shake Rodriguez's hand in order to get his handprint and be able to gain access to his study. I adjusted the large hair clip in my short blonde wig and smiled at a passerby.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"This.well, it looks like, you know, just an ordinary hair clip, something you might wear in you hair, for a party, special occasion.yeah" Marshall lifted a large silver hair clip off of the table and held it up to his head to demonstrate, I tried not to let my laughter escape me as we stood in his office. "Yeah, well anyways, it's a decoder, to unlock, right, you've used one before, that will, you place it on the safe, like so" He held it in the air, pressing it against an imaginary safe, " and you press this sapphire right here, and it will, uh, open the safe for you." He smiled nervously and put down the clip, holding up a candy jar, "You want some m&m's.tootsie rolls?"  
  
*End flashback*  
  
On the other end of the room, I spotted Rodriguez, he looked like a filthy man, surrounded by women, all of them dripping with jewels. I picked up a martini and started in his direction. I caught his eye as I approached him, chills running down my spine as he looked me over, but they were not pleasant chills, like the ones I experienced with Vaughn, but gross, disgusting ones. I took a good look as him as he left his fan club and headed towards me, he was wearing a white suit and his shirt was half open, revealing sickening chest hair. A gold chain hung around his neck and his hands were decorated with many golden rings that showed off expensive jewels. I tried to smile in what I hoped was a flirty, mischievous grin as he stopped in front of me and grabbed my hand. He brought my hand up to his mouth, his slimy lips lingering on them longer than necessary. Thank god for the gloves.  
  
"Hello darling, I believe I have not had the pleasure of meeting you?" His thick Spanish accent was clear in his speech and I tried my best to smile, his hand still on mine. At least I had the handprint; I was going to get out of here as fast as possible.  
  
"Jessica Dryier" I replied, introducing myself.  
  
"Ah, you are an American?" I nodded my head, it was getting hard to keep a smile on my face, "I love American women, they are always so.feisty" I wanted to rip my hand away at that very instant and smack this bastard across the face. "May I offer you a dance?" It was going to be harder to escape him than I thought.  
  
"I would love to dance with you" He took my drink and placed it on the table beside him. Then, pulling me gently by the hand he brought me onto the dance floor as a slow tune began to play. As he wrapped his arms around my waist I tried to ignore the revolting feeling his hands were leaving on me. His hands glided freely up and down my bare back, and all I could do was smile. He pulled me closer, our bodies pressing together so I could no longer see his face. I wanted to throw up right then and there, but something, rather someone, caught my attention.  
  
As we moved slowly across the dance floor I spotted a pair of familiar- looking, bright green eyes. But it couldn't be, of course it wasn't him. I tried to push the thought away but every time I came to find these eyes again, they were staring right at me. It was only when I felt something strange that I snapped back to reality.  
  
While this pair of grand, green eyes had distracted me, the sick bastard I was dancing with decided to be smart with me. I wanted to push him away from me with all of my strength and kick him in the stomach as many times as necessary. His hand was wandering close to the edge of the dress along my back, running up and down my skin. When I felt it something inside me snap, I came back to reality filled with a deep tremor of disgust. Slowly he had slid his hand under the edge of the dress and was stroking my delicate skin. His hand began to rise when I moved slightly, causing his hand to slip out from under my dress just as the music ended.  
  
"Thank you for the dance" I said, no longer smiling, and walked away without giving him a chance to speak and rushing into the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and leaned against the door. I tried to rid myself of all the horrible feelings spreading through my body, the feeling of his greasy, oily hands against my skin. I stepped out after washing myself with water slightly, trying to avoid Rodriguez under any circumstance. I still had a job to do.  
  
Running swiftly up the stairs, I kept an eye out for any guards. It surprised me that I didn't find any. I had expected at least two or three of them before I reached the office. I figured it was a lucky coincidence and located the door to the study. I grasped the doorknob and was stunned when I found that the door was unlocked. Something strange was going on, and it was giving me an eerie feeling. My mind wandered back to those bright green eyes, but I quickly pushed the thought away and proceeded into the office.  
  
I found the safe quickly and pressed the hair clip against it. I pressed the blue sapphire and opened the safe. Inside the safe was the one thing I needed to access the computers files. A key, it was that simple. I retrieved the key and made my way to the computer. I turned on the machine and accessed the main database, sliding the key into its slot and turning it. I felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as I accessed the information and slipped the disk into the drive. I waited impatiently as the files were slowly copied and transferred to the disk. Pulling the disk out, I shut off the machine. I grabbed the key and put it back in its place inside the safe. Closing the safe I heard something behind me. Footsteps.  
  
"I should have known such a lovely young woman would be up to something" Rodriguez stood directly behind me, holding a gun to my head. "It's not the disk I want, it's you. Give me what I want and you will leave unharmed." I panicked, unsure of what to do. I was about to turn and knock him down, running the risk that the trigger could be pulled and I could be injured when I heard a loud thud and turned, only to find myself face to face with one of the people I least wanted to see right now.  
  
*** A/N: alright guys, that's your new chapter for today. Who do you think has saved Syd this time? ;) 


	4. chocolate chip cookie dough

Chapter 4  
  
I'm sitting on the ground, an unconscious Rodriguez lying next to me, and just look up in pure shock.  
  
"Dixon? What.what are you doing here?" He extends his arm and helps me rise from the floor. I dust myself off and look back up to him, a million questions rushing through my head.  
  
"They sent me at the last moment, thought you might need an extra hand. We've got to get out of here Syd, and fast before they find us." He takes my hand and I grab the disk as he leads me out of the study and back out to the party. We're rushing through the crowd, trying to make a quick exit, when I spot the other agent whom I need to make the switch with. He's walking our way, but Dixon and I are moving rapidly. I see him hold out the fake disk and I'm almost close enough to make the exchange when Dixon pulls sharply in the other direction, trying to avoid the crowd. I swore under my breath as Dixon took another sharp turn. This is not good.  
  
It all happened in a flash, Dixon and I were pushing through the throngs of people when I saw them again. Those brilliant green eyes stood out of the crowd and had caught my attention once again. There was no avoiding them. In one swift movement, I ran into someone and almost fell over. Dixon caught me, but my shoe fell off in the process and I had to limp as fast as I could to get outside. Once out of the mansion, I followed Dixon into a black van and he slammed the door behind me. I lay sprawled on the floor of the truck, both of us out of breath. My ankle was throbbing with pain by now and I clutched it tightly.  
  
"That went smoothly" He chuckled and got into the drivers seat.  
  
"Are you okay Syd? Did you get the disk?" I panicked before answering.  
  
"I'm fine. Uh.yes, I did get it. Dixon?"  
  
"Yes?" I removed my wig and curled up against the side of the van.  
  
"Thanks for saving me" He smiled and nodded his head.  
  
"Sure Syd, anytime" For some reason I found this extremely comforting as I closed my eyes and removed my other shoe. I tried not to blame myself, but I couldn't help it. I had failed. Again. The pain and shame I was feeling was beginning to overwhelm me, I tried to hold the tears back, but one escaped, slowly rolling down my cheek as I lay in anguish. If I kept screwing up like this we would never take down SD-6. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the van and wrapped it around me, slowly drifting off to sleep.  
  
***  
  
I came home to my surprisingly empty house, exhausted. Will wasn't here to feed off of our food since he was away at a course for work. And as for Francie, I wasn't exactly sure where she was. I hadn't seen her in a while, but I just shrugged it off figuring it was probably because I was always working.  
  
After taking a quick shower I grabbed an apple from the kitchen and sat down at the table, my hair still slightly wet. I had a lot of thinking to do, and I just wanted to relax, so I decided to go for a walk. I threw away the core of the apple and slipped on my coat as I left through the door, the cool air nipping at my nose.  
  
Walking through the park always calmed me, ever since I was a little girl. Of the few memories I have of my mother, there was one that always made me feel warm inside; it always made me smile. A memory of my mother and I walking down a pathway in a park and holding hands. Almost every little detail is fresh in my mind, our matching scarves, the way she ruffled my hair and put on my hat, the ice cream cone she bought me even though it was freezing. I remember it all, but most of all I remember the feeling of peace, of happiness, of safety, of love. It must be why I enjoy taking a walk in the park so much.  
  
I realize I've come to a stop and smile to myself. I remember meeting Vaughn here, when we were 'stretching after a jog'. I sit down on the bench, both of my hands grasping the seat. I've gotten somewhat over what happened on the mission, but it's hard for me, knowing that every time I fail I'm one step farther from taking them down, rather than one step closer. Rather than one step closer to being free, to not having to lie, to being able to have a normal life, to being able to talk to my handler and be with him in public. All of these little, yet huge, issues all matter to me, and with every day they obtain more value. A person I can trust and confide in becomes more important to me. These are the little things I need to survive. It startles me when someone sits down next to me. I had been so deep in thought, partially dead to the world.  
  
"Dad? What are you doing here?" He smiles at me and then looks straight ahead, as if there were something very interesting before us.  
  
"I know you feel bad about the mission Sydney, but it's okay.it's not your fault." I smile, but nevertheless, I still blame myself.  
  
"Dad, it is my fault. If I hadn't screwed up the CIA would have the disk right now and we would know what SD-6 wanted so badly" I sighed heavily and he turned to look at me, it was my turn to look at the fascinating tree in front of us.  
  
"Sydney, I don't know what is on that disk-" I cut him short,  
  
"You don't? Didn't Sloane tell you?" He shook his head.  
  
"No, he didn't. But, he did tell me that it was very important to SD-6. We need to find out what is on that disk, and I have an idea on how to do it." I nodded my head, but just then my beeper went off.  
  
"It's Vaughn" Jack nodded his head and stood up.  
  
"We'll discuss this later, okay?" I nodded my head in response and called out to him as he walked away.  
  
"Bye Dad" I sat there quietly for a while, just staring out at the trees, letting the silence soothe me. My father and I would figure out a way to get those files back, and then everything would be okay. As I was leaving the park, I heard the familiar song of the ice cream truck as it passed by and came to a stop. I watched as all of the children begged their mothers and fathers for some money and as the lucky ones who got ice cream smiled and giggled in delight. It was such a cheerful scene that I couldn't help myself. I walked up to the ice cream truck and took out some money.  
  
"Hey, can I have a scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough please?" I remember the ice cream my mother had bought me; it had been one scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough. As the ice cream man handed me my ice cream I gave him the money and walked away slowly. I licked my ice cream cone and then took a bite out of it. I smiled, it was just like that day, more than 20 years ago, in which so many wonderful memories had been made.  
  
*** Feedback Please! 


	5. kisses, from me

Chapter 5  
  
"Hey Syd" He shoots me a warm smile as I sit down with him on a crate, close by his side. "How are you doing?" His brow creases slightly and I cant help but smile. "What? What is it? What's so funny?" A broad smile forms across his face as I shake my head, laughing lightly.  
  
"I'm fine, really" I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear, still smiling.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay with everything?" He's so sweet when he is worried about me. I want to give him a hug for caring.  
  
"I'm fine, thanks. I feel a little guilty still, but I guess I'm getting over it." He seems to finally believe me, but I avert my gaze to the floor. It's true, I do feel better, but I still blame myself. We sit there quietly for a while, but I know Vaughn can sense something is wrong. He places his hand carefully under my chin and lifts my head so I'm actually looking him in the eye.  
  
"It's okay Syd, it's not your fault. Your dad has a plan and everything will be alright." So Dad let Vaughn know about his plan. I push that aside and focus my thoughts on the man sitting in front of me.  
  
"Thanks Vaughn" We both smile and, much to my disliking, he removes his hand from under my chin.  
  
"Great, I just wanted to see of you were okay, and let you know that you really did do a great job in Malaga." I respond by hugging him quickly. I stand up and plant a small kiss on his cheek.  
  
"Thanks again, Vaughn" I turn and walk out of the warehouse with the sweet sensation of his skin against my lips, and wish I could experience it more often.  
  
***  
  
Surprisingly enough, my apartment is empty yet again. This is starting to worry me; I haven't seen Francie in two whole days now. I wonder if something's happened to her. I push away that thought and burry it deep with all of my other worries. I'm sure she's fine, I hope.  
  
I can still feel the tingle of giving Vaughn a kiss and wonder where I got the guts to do something like that. I slowly bring a hand up to my lips and close my eyes. I wonder what it would be like to actually kiss him. I know I shouldn't be thinking these things, but right now I just can't help it. Slowly, I recover and open my eyes again, proceeding into my bedroom. I'm so tired, and it's been a while since I've had some time to rest, or just some time to myself. I yawn sleepily and remove my shoes. I lie down on my bed and pull the covers over me.  
  
The warmth of the blankets soothes me and I can feel a smile crawling onto my face as I think of the look on Vaughn's face after I had kissed him. There had been pure shock registered on his face. He seemed a little shaken up, like he was just frozen. I had melted him slowly with a smile before turning around. I could tell he was thinking furiously and as I stole one last glance before leaving, I could have sworn there was a goofy little grin lighting up his face. I could feel myself slipping out of consciousness, when the phone rang. I sat up rigid, having been alarmed by the ringing of the phone. I let myself relax and hold the phone up to my ear.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Syd! Hey, it's me!" Will. I rub my eyes and try to sound cheerful.  
  
"Hey Will! How's the course going? Are you having fun?" At least I sound interested, or am I asking too many questions too fast?  
  
"It's going great! How are you Syd? We haven't talked for a while now.how's Francie doing?" At least Will appreciates my curiosity.  
  
"I'm fine thanks," That seems to be a common phrase lately. "But I actually haven't seen Francie for a day or two. I guess we're just never home at the same time" I tried to make it seem like nothing, I really didn't want to upset Will, and that would just upset me more.  
  
"Oh, okay." I could sense he was thinking about Francie and it was making me uncomfortable. Will would be curious, it was his natural instinct as a reporter. I could hear someone calling him in the background. "Look, Syd, I've got to go, but it was great talking to you! Say hi to Francie for me, I'll be back in a week or so."  
  
"Bye Will"  
  
"Bye" I hang up and sink back into a comfortable sleeping position. After tossing and turning for about five minutes I let out a cry of aggravation and sit up again. There's no use in trying to fall asleep now. I wonder what Vaughn is doing. I seem to be thinking about him a lot today. I wonder if he's at work, or if he's simply at home, doing something normal. I find myself wishing I could be in his home with him, talking with him, getting to know him, being with him, laughing with him.for the second time today I have to stop myself. This is happening very frequently, and I can't be thinking this! I'm distracted by the sound of my beeper going of and I pick it up off the table. It's my Dad.  
  
I leave the comfort of my bed and throw on a sweater. I know we're meeting at the warehouse to discuss his plan, and for some strange reason, I don't dread going back there.  
  
***  
  
I walk slowly into the warehouse, taking my time and looking around me. I realize I have never really taken a good look before; I have never really studied the place where Vaughn and I have met numerous times, the place where so much has happened to us. I locate my father leaning against a crate near the back of a room and walk towards him.  
  
"Hi, Dad" He looks up to me, his expression as grave and serious as ever.  
  
"Sydney" He acknowledges my presence and nods his head. Talk about professional.  
  
"So what's your plan?" He turns to face me, his hands in his pockets.  
  
"I'm going to go into the surveillance room and ask for access to some files from an earlier mission of yours. From there I'll hack into the file we want and download it onto a disk. Hopefully, no one will notice me, and as long as no one does everything should go perfectly fine." He seems to have thought this over carefully.  
  
"Okay, so do I need to do anything?" He nods his head again and continues.  
  
"Yes, I will need someone to distract Marshall while I hack into the files, or otherwise he will notice that someone has hacked into the system and that there is a leak. You just need to keep him busy. You will be getting a follow-up mission soon, so I hope to recover the files afterwards, when you can go to Marshal and ask him about his gadgets for the mission, or I might be able to go in before. It all depends on the situation. Do you think you can do this?"  
  
"Of course. I can keep Marshall busy for a while." Inside I feel slightly ashamed at having to do this to Marshall, after all, he is innocent, and he's my friend. My father nods his head yet again and places his hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Are you alright Sydney?" Here comes the famous phrase of the day.  
  
"I'm fine, thanks" I can't help but smile to myself as I repeat this line once again.  
  
"Okay" he accepts it freely, "I'll talk to you later Sydney" He begins to walk away but I call after him.  
  
"Thanks for helping me out Dad, by getting the files back, I mean. I really appreciate it" He smiles, a rare event, and I treasure the moment.  
  
"I'm glad to help Sydney, glad to help" He walks away, leaving the warehouse, and leaving a lasting impact on me as well. His smile is engraved in my mind. It's amazing how such a simple gesture can make such a large difference.  
  
*** 


	6. tom

Chapter 6  
  
"This is Aleksi Kovalev, " A tall man with a rather large waistline appeared on the screen. From the angle of the picture you could see he was balding. I smiled inwardly to myself. " He owns the Palace Grand Galleries of Art in St. Petersburg." The screen changed to a picture of a large building with intricate carvings decorating its outer walls and a large golden dome in the center. " In the files you brought back, Sydney, we found something. unexpected. It seems to be some sort of code; a series of numbers, but the second half is missing. In order to decode it we need the second half." I eyed my father, a curious look dwelling on his face.  
  
"Kovalev is holding an event in two days, it will be the grand opening of his prized sculpture collection. On the top floor of the main Gallery building is one of Kovalev's many offices. From the East Wing of the Main Gallery building you will make your way to this office. Inside you will find a silver picture frame containing a large picture of his daughter. We have reason to believe that hidden inside the frame, behind the picture, is the second half of the series. Your mission is quite simple, get into Kovalev's office, retrieve the code, and get out." He handed me a folder and rose from his chair. " Meet with Marshall for the op tech, your plane leaves tomorrow morning"  
  
I got up slowly, making eye contact with my Dad. He lowers his head as if to tell me to stay behind. As the room empties out I stride toward him and take a seat nearby. He pulls out his pen and removes its lid.  
  
"So Sloane isn't keeping from us what it is, but he isn't revealing all of the information either?" He nodded his head.  
  
"It is very important that we retrieve those files. Whatever SD-6 is after must be important."  
  
"So are you going to go in while I go talk to Marshall?"  
  
"Yes, I've already prepared. I'm giving you a comm. link so we can communicate," He took a small bag out of his pocket and handed it to me, " Go meet with Marshall, be sure to have the comm. link on, and I'll get in and retrieve the files."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Yes, now." His pen emitted a beeping sound and we both stood up to leave the room. " I think that covers it Sydney" I smiled and responded to keep the cover.  
  
"Yeah, thanks Dad" I let him exit the room ahead of me and headed towards my desk. As discreetly as possible I put on the comm. link and switched it so it was on. I sat at my desk; toying with a quarter I had found lying around until I finally heard static on the other end.  
  
"Sydney, are you there?" His voice was barely audible.  
  
"Yes, I'm here"  
  
"I'm going in" I heard him enter a room and call someone over. Rapidly, I headed to Marshall's and knocked on the door. He opened it and greeted me with a smile, inviting me into his office. I stepped in, taking around my surroundings. His office was full of gadgets lying messily on tables all around and papers were scattered everywhere. There was inflatable furniture and what looked like an inflatable candy jar.  
  
"You. came for the op tech?" I nod my head, smiling, as I hear my father inform me that he is about to hack into the system. Perfect, I ought to keep Marshall busy for a while. He pulls one of the gadgets off of a table, a metal contraption. "This looks like a little case, you know, the ones with the cover-up-not that you need it of course - inside, right? Yeah. well, what they don't know is that it's not really makeup, but that it's, " He flipped it open, " a lock descrambler!" His excitement showed through his smile, "I'm really proud of this one - you'll be like whoa, Marshall - yeah, you see it goes, well, it's a lot faster than any of the other's you've used." I kept smiling as Dad told me that the files were almost done downloading. When Marshall didn't continue I felt my forehead furrow in confusion.  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"Yup! Oh.wait, yeah, there's, uh, just one more thing," He searched through the mess, " uh, just hold on, just a sec." finally, he pulled out a pair of earrings, "The left one's a comm. link." He smiled brightly and placed them in my hands for me to examine them. I handed them back, satisfied.  
  
"Is that all?" He nodded his head and turned quickly. He held up in front of me the inflatable candy jar; I think it was one anyways.  
  
"Want some candy?" I chuckled, shaking my head.  
  
"No thanks, Marshall" I declined his offer just as I heard my fathers voice through the crackling static of the earpiece.  
  
"Got it," he whispered, and I left Marshall's office, a feeling of accomplishment residing inside me.  
  
***  
  
I got home, exhausted. I don't know why I was so tired, I wasn't even returning from a mission, but I still felt that sense of accomplishment now that we had the files back, even though it was Dad who really did most of the work.  
  
I threw myself onto the couch and closed my eyes. It had been a while since I had just lain back and relaxed. I heard a noise and snapped out of my calmness immediately, sitting up rigidly and ready to defend myself. I let out a sigh of relief and fell back onto the couch. Francie had scared me half to death, but then again I hadn't seen her in a while so I had gotten used to being alone.  
  
"Hey Fran!" She sat next to me and I looked up at her from my lying position, "where have you been?" From the goofy grin that made it's way onto her face I could guess. I sat up and turned, brushing the hair out of my face, "You met a guy?" I asked, a smile sneaking onto my face as well. Her grin grew wider and she looked down at the floor.  
  
"How did you know?" She said, meeting my eyes again.  
  
"Just a hunch," I winked at her and continued in a teasing manner, " So. what's his name?" A giggle escaped her before she answered me.  
  
"Tom.Tom Ferris" My face fell, the grin that had once lit it up vanishing instantly. Tom? It couldn't be. could it?  
  
*** 


	7. handsome stranger

Chapter 7  
  
A/N: I figured it was about time for a new chapter, and for some fluff ;)  
  
I don't think I could be any more confused. It couldn't possibly be [I] my [/I] Tom. why was I even calling him mine? I shook my head vigorously and tried to shift my expression into a happy one. From the look on Francie's face, it obviously wasn't working. She cocked her head to one side and gave me a sympathetic look; I of course, took it as an insult and crossed my arms defensively. I think Francie believed I was out of my mind and just changed the subject to not dig deeper into the mess of a hole we had started.  
  
"Anyway, I was just stopping by, since we're never home at the same time, and I wanted to congratulate-" She was cut off by the shrill ring of the phone. I wasn't in the best of moods. I hope its Vaughn so I can get out of here. Standing up I stretched and then made my way to the phone.  
  
"Hello?" Part of me knew that getting out of the house wasn't the only reason why I wished it were Vaughn on the other end at that very moment.  
  
"Hello Sydney" Well, It's not Vaughn, and I have no idea what my father is calling me for. " I was going to talk to you today, at the office, but we just didn't have time. So, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday; it is the reason why you're not leaving for that mission tonight." He ended his thought with a sort of false ironic tone. Meanwhile, I was even more dazed. I shifted my eyes over to the calendar. It was my birthday. I never thought this day would come.  
  
"Thanks Dad. really, that means a lot to me." I could feel his smile on the other end of the phone, and I really was so glad he had remembered, even when I hadn't. I was just so overwhelmed.  
  
"Well," he hesitated for a moment, " walk by the fountain in the park, there's someone waiting for you" and he hung up, without even saying goodbye. I put the phone back in its place and wandered back to the couch. Most everything made sense now. What had Francie wanted to congratulate me about? My birthday, that's why she was home. Why was my father somewhat more hesitant and less grave then usual today, because it was my birthday. I never thought I would end up as this kind of person. The kind of person who gets so wrapped up in their work that they are lost in time. Days go by and every one is the same. The kind of person who wanders through each day lost, forgetting to live.  
  
"Happy Birthday" I looked up and smiled at my friend. She wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug and I felt a tear escape. Why I was crying, I had no idea. Pulling away from her embrace, I brushed a tear from my face.  
  
"Thanks Fran. Look, I need to go out and get some fresh air. I'm just going to go for a walk." She nodded her head. I could tell she was still confused but she couldn't be as confused as I was.  
  
It was a beautiful day outside; the sky was a clear blue and there were almost no clouds to be seen. The cool breeze hit my face and ran through my hair, leaving me refreshed. The same breeze ran through the trees, stirring their leaves, creating a wave of color. There were little kids running through their lawns, chasing each other, laughing, and playing. Some sat on the sidewalk, drawing on it with chalk. Their mothers watched them from the doors, while they talked and smiled. They led normal lives, lived in normal worlds, and were surrounded by normal people. Would I ever get to live that sort of life?  
  
I don't know how my life became such a mess. Wait, I do. It was them, the same bloody idiots who continue to wreak havoc upon my life to this very day. Pushing my hatred for Arvin Sloane aside, I concentrated on my other problems.  
  
Tom. It was so strange that he would suddenly reappear in my life. We dated all of senior year in high school. We were very close, I trusted him greatly. But then we moved on. We never officially broke up, we just drifted apart as I entered college and SD-6 came into my life. Anger surged through me. Everything that was wrong with my life, it all came down to SD- 6.  
  
And my father, SD-6 consumed him as well. We would be so much closer if SD- 6 hadn't stolen his life as well as mine, yet in a way it has brought us closer together as well, both of us fighting against them. It made me feel wonderfully happy that he had remembered my birthday, that he had called me and congratulated me. I felt like the little girl I was once, loved by my parents, and loving them back. Yet, he had acted so strangely when he ended the call.  
  
I passed the playground on my right. Kids riding down slides, on swings, playing in the sand. Mothers sitting on the side, chatting away with each other, but still keeping a protective eye on their children. It was what I longed for, a family, protection, and love. It was everything that I needed. With those things my life would be so much more complete than it is now. At the end of the day they would always be there for me, no matter how horrible things were. Maybe it was a sign, maybe it wasn't, but just then I saw something that most certainly caught my eye.  
  
How many handsome, green-eyed strangers were there in LA? Probably a lot, but there was only one I cared about. I saw him leaning against the edge of the fountain, his sun-streaked hair shining in the sun, his jacket blowing in the wind. I slowed my pace and started towards him. He looked up, meeting my gaze. His brilliant smile melted me instantly. I'm brave enough to keep on walking and thankfully my legs can hold me up. He averts his vision and my eyes fall to his hand. In it there's a small folded up piece of paper and some sort of green.thing, I can't really tell what it is. I let my bag hang open as we near each other. We purposely bump shoulders and there's a twinkle in his eye as we apologize simultaneously.  
  
"Sorry" The brush pass was so smooth I'm not even sure it happened, but sure enough when I look into my purse, there is the crumbled paper and what looks like a green stem hidden inside. It only improves this great feeling that my father was in all of this; he helped set it up. I don't think my smile could get much bigger.  
  
***  
  
[I] Syd,  
  
Meet me tonight at 8:00 at the ice rink on Great Palm Road. Go around to the back and enter through the door marked " Private, Staff Only". I'll be waiting.  
  
-V  
  
Happy Birthday [/I]  
  
I put the letter into my pocket and walk back into my house. I was wrong, my smile has grown. I see Francie waiting for me, so I casually join her once again on the coach.  
  
"So do you want to do something tonight? Will is coming back in a couple of hours and can join us" My mood has jumped incredible heights in the last ten minutes.  
  
"Sorry, I'm busy tonight" I think of a reasonable excuse, "I'm doing something with my Dad" Close enough. or not. She was definitely happy for me.  
  
"That's great Syd! But when you get home you [I] are [/I] spending some time with Will and I! I mean it's your birthday!"  
  
"Sure" Things only improve as I enter my room. I open up my purse to take out my cell phone and find something unexpected. A red rose, beautiful and long. So that's what the stem was. I place it in a thin vase with water and set it down on my bedside table next to the picture frame. Maybe I should call this my Vaughn corner.  
  
***  
  
A/N: Hehe. 


	8. back to you

Chapter 8  
  
A/N: I know it's a bit short, sorry! Just seemed like a nice place to stop for now.  
  
My mind is a tricky thing; I'm filled with joy, for what could be nothing, and filled with nerves for the same reason. I can't help but remember the way Vaughn's eyes sparkled when he made the pass; I know he must be up to something. Lost in thought, I didn't notice the traffic light was on red, which can't be good.  
  
I try to calm down and look into the rear view mirror. The woman looking back at me seems as if she's about to confront a ghost, yet her cheeks are rosy from excitement and anticipation. The rose and mysterious note probably meant nothing; I'm surely overreacting. And even as I comfort myself with this thought, leaving the car proves to be a challenge; a battle in my head. Part of me is saying to get in the car and speed back home, and the other part is telling me to use some of that spy gut and just go for it. I decide to side with the spy part and build up some courage.  
  
Working my way to the back proves to be no harder than choosing sides, and finding the doorway labeled "Private, Staff Only" comes with ease. Keeping a steady hand, I turn the knob and find the door is open. I step into the room and close the door behind me. It's very dark in the room and I make my way to what looks like a door.  
  
"Vaughn?" There's no answer. I'm starting to get worried, something doesn't seem right. I walk out of the room and I find I'm under the bleachers. On the other side, sitting near the bottom, which is rather lucky for me, is Vaughn, waiting for me patiently. I let out a sigh of relief and walk over to the other side. I climb out from under the bleachers, which is much harder than I thought it would be.  
  
"Hey" He says, smiling at me. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a large box under the bench behind him.  
  
"Hi" I sit down, ready to listen. I notice Vaughn isn't wearing a suit, which is a nice change. He looks wonderful in casual clothing and I swear it will be hard to keep from staring. His navy blue sweater and khakis look great on him, and I don't think I've ever seen him in sneakers before, except for that time that I met him while jogging.  
  
"Your counter-mission's pretty simple," he says, getting right to work, which I must admit is kind of disappointing, " just switch the code that you find behind the frame with this" he hands me a sheet of paper with a series of digits imprinted upon on it. I take it and sit, as if waiting for more, and to my surprise there doesn't seem to be any more.  
  
"That's it?" He smiles. I'm so confused, "You weren't kidding when you said it was simple" I say, carefully putting the sheet in my purse.  
  
"Yes. that's everything work-related, that is" I knew he wouldn't let me down. He seems to find this amusing and I can feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Reaching behind him, he pulls out the afore-mentioned box from under the bench.  
  
"What is it?" I try to peer into the box, but he's blocking my sight, not that I mind looking at him, this is quite a nice angle. His smile only gets bigger.  
  
"You'll see" I just can't help but smile, this man sure knows how to make me curious. He opens the box and inside are two pairs of ice skates. "I got you figure skates, hope you don't mind" he says with that adorable grin of his. I'm in shock.  
  
"How. how did you know my size?" It's only one of the many questions floating, or rather zooming, through my head currently.  
  
"It's my job to know, isn't it?" he says with a wink," here, try them on" He hands tem to me and then pulls out of the box a pair of hockey skates. He then unties his shoelaces and removes his shoes. I know this is silly, but [I] oh my god [/I] Vaughn in socks! I watch, fascinated, as he puts on the skates and bends over, expertly tying them, and giving my a nice view. I'm sitting there, mouth wide open, when he looks up at me. So much for not staring. "Need help?" I manage to nod my head and he picks up my skates. "You'll have to take of your shoes Syd"  
  
He's laughing at me! I take off them off silently and look back up at him like a helpless child. He has rendered me speechless, the only man with the capability to do that. "Come on" He kneels in front of me and takes my foot and puts it in the skate. I feel like a little girl again and I know I'm going bright red. He does the same with my other foot, still grinning. Carefully, he ties the laces tight and then wraps them around the ankle of the boot and ties them in a bow in the front.  
  
"Ow," I can't help but fuss, " They're a bit tight" He just can't stop grinning, can he?  
  
"They're supposed to be" I seem to regain all sense and the ability to speak something other than gibberish, but only to defend myself.  
  
"I knew that" He just laughs again and helps me up. "This is really sweet of you Vaughn" I finally break into a smile and wrap my arms around him tightly.  
  
"My pleasure Syd, I'm glad to do it" 


	9. lucky charms

Chapter 9  
  
His smile just warms me inside and out. There's just one tiny problem, or maybe it won't be a problem, but an advantage.  
  
"Vaughn?" I say, detangling my arms from around his neck.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"There might be a slight problem." he cocks his head to one side and I swear I might melt, " I know how to ice skate and all it's just that, well.you know."  
  
"Actually, I don't" And there's this huge smirk on his face because he knows exactly what I'm trying to say.  
  
"I haven't ice skated in years.and I might need some help" I know my face must be beet red. He just chuckles and helps me to the ice. Now that I look at it, the ice seems pretty slick, and it must show on my face.  
  
"Is Sydney Bristow, super-spy, scared of a little ice skating?"  
  
"Shut up" I can't help but smile.  
  
"Don't worry, Syd, I won't let anything happen to you" And for some reason, I find those words extremely reassuring. With Vaughn's help I get on the ice and hold on to the railing. "You're not going to hang onto that railing the whole time, Syd, if it's the last thing I do" I can't believe this. He gets on the ice and takes off. He's a real pro too.  
  
"How'd you get so good at ice skating?"  
  
"Well, I play hockey, don't I?" He responds, skating around me in a circle. He grabs my hands, despite my slight hesitation, and pulls me out to him.  
  
"Vaughn!" The railing is so far away, yet I feel completely safe with Vaughn holding onto me.  
  
"Don't worry, Syd" He turns around so that he's looking at me and extends his arms out, still holding onto my hands. Then he starts skating backwards slowly. As much as I'm enjoying this long-term handholding with Vaughn, I'm a little frightened, as we start moving. He just seems so far away, but after a while I start to enjoy it.  
  
Suddenly, he stops and goes towards me and twists me around, never letting go of my hands, so his arms are folded around me, our hands at my sides. He continues skating backwards; in this much more cozy position and I don't ever want this to end.  
  
"You ready to try on your own?" As much as I hate letting go of him, I decide I should give it a try and nod my head. He slowly lets go of me and leaves me standing alone in the middle of the ice. Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of panic, the railing seems miles away, as does Vaughn. "Come towards me, Syd" I carefully glide forward and start to lose my balance. He holds out his arms and is about to come and catch me when I steady myself.  
  
After a couple more unsteady glides, I'm almost there. I'm a lot more confident now than when I first started, so I think I can handle it. Which, of course, explains why as soon as I glide forward I lose my balance and fall forwards. Thank god for Vaughn. Before I can touch the floor, I'm in his arms again. And it takes a minute or so to realize that I should let go now, I'm just enjoying myself so much.  
  
We skate around for an hour or so more. We try several different positions, each one cozier than the next, but our favorite seems to be the one where his arms are folded around me. Time goes by too quickly, and when I look at my watch I realize that I should go.  
  
"Vaughn, as much as I'm enjoying this, I need to go. I promised to do something with Will and Francie tonight" I can see the disappointment in his eyes, which I'm sure Is reflected in mine, but he hides it quickly. Hand in hand we make our way back to the bleachers and sit down.  
  
We remove our skates silently and then look back up at each other.  
  
"This was so much fun Vaughn, thank you so much" He smiles.  
  
"Keep the skates" He reaches into his coat and pulls out a small white box. "Open your hands" I open them and he places the box in them.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Syd" with a quick wink, he grabs his coat and the box with his skates and climbs under the bleachers.  
  
"Bye" I say, my voice barely a whisper. I look at the box in my hands. What could it be? I carefully remove its lid and gasp with delight. Inside, is a silver charm bracelet, with two charms on it: an ice skate, and a rose. Their significance is obvious, and I smile to myself as I tuck the box into my jacket. I grab the skates and take a look around. I'll have to come here more often.  
  
A/N: short, but sweet ;) 


	10. red heels

Chapter 10  
  
A/N: sorry it's a bit short, but this was a good stopping place.  
  
I walk through the halls of the gallery slowly, a martini in my hand. Another mission, another day in the life of Sydney Bristow, double agent. I smile at some passerby's, all well dressed for the occasion. In my long red dress, and high red heels, I look no different than the rest. I twist a lock of my now curly hair around my finger, giving off an air of arrogance. The opening of the sculpture collection is about to begin.  
  
I work my way to the back of the room and lean casually against a table. As soon as Kovalev begins his speech I release the martini glass onto the table and make my way towards a stair case on the other side of the room, moving slowly so as not to attract attention. Slowly, and carefully I climb the stairs and step into 'combat mode' as I expect guards will be at the top.  
  
To my surprise, the hallway at the top of the stairs seems completely forgotten. It makes me uncomfortable that this area is not well guarded and I am prepared for just about anything I may meet as I jog down the hallway, looking over my shoulder every few seconds. I reach another set of stairs, somewhat shorter, and climb to the top. Once again, I am greeted by no one.  
  
I find Kovalev's office and warily touch the doorknob. It's as if they want me to let my guard down. I pull the descrambler out of my purse with my other hand and open it up. It releases a small beep to signal that it is on and working. I am about to use the device when I turn my hand to take it off the doorknob and to my great surprise the door opens.  
  
Why would they leave such an important office unlocked? I am more nervous by the minute and I cautiously enter the room and find the picture frame. I turn on my comm. link and hear Dixon on the other end.  
  
"Hey there, Syd. Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yeah, everything's perfect" too perfect. I touch the picture frame gently and run my fingers along the golden frame. After admiring it for a second I swing it open and find a scroll of paper. I replace it with SD-6's counterfeit and swing the frame back in its place. I look around me again. This is too easy. I'm suspicious of the mission's simplicity, and it's quite unsettling.  
  
Chills run down my spine as I quickly leave the office and shut the door again. I expect alarm bells to go off at any second, but none do.  
  
"I'm getting the hell out of here Dixon" I run down the stairs and down the hall, expecting a guard to jump out at me. I make it to the last set of stairs and go down slowly. A sigh of relief leaves my lips, but I won't be reassured until I'm far away from here. I leave the party without anyone taking notice and get into the black sd-6 van.  
  
"How'd it go? Did you get the codes?"  
  
"Yeah, I got them" I pull out the CIA copy and hand it to Dixon. "It was freaky in there, everything was too perfect," I look at Dixon worriedly, "I didn't run into a single guard, I didn't even need to use the descrambler, the door was unlocked!" Dixon shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Guess you were lucky, that's all"  
  
***  
  
"I just don't understand it. it was so simple, too simple" I tore my gaze from the floor and looked up at him, "do you think it was fake, could it have something to do with SD-6?" He shook his head.  
  
"I don't think so Sydney, no it was definitely a real mission" His eyebrows furrowed as he dove into deep thought. In a few seconds, he's left this world and seems to be muttering to himself. I chuckle lightly, amused by his focus.  
  
"Dad?" He looks up, slightly startled, and smiles faintly.  
  
"Sorry. I don't think there's anything we can do Sydney, we'll have to just wait and see, I'm not even sure Sloane knows what he's after quite yet" I let out a sigh and meet his eyes again. I look around me at the dark warehouse, dusty old crates and boxes lined up against the walls, faint lighting, the rusting chain link fence, and an old chair or two scattered around the room. It's strange how such a dark, gloomy place can at times feel so comforting.  
  
"Thanks Dad, for some reason, I feel a bit better about all of this now" He nods his head and gathers his things and as he's getting up he speaks.  
  
"So, how was your briefing with Vaughn the other day?" He keeps his eyes on his coat the whole time, pretending to dust it off. A smile crawls onto my face as I see that he's avoiding my gaze.  
  
"It was great" He looks up and smiles at me briefly. He turns, his coat swishing around him as he heads for the door. I hesitate for a moment as the debate in my head draws to a close and call out to him.  
  
"Dad!" he turns around to look at me and I smile openly. "Thanks, Dad."  
  
***  
  
I walk into my living room, slip off my coat, and go forward to inspect as I hear a rustling in the kitchen.  
  
"Must be Will," I mutter quietly to myself. I'm about to come in and jokingly denounce him for breaking into my house when I stop, frozen, at the doorframe. I look down at the familiar man searching through my refrigerator and I try to convince myself I'm seeing things. This is one hell of a hallucination. I rub my temples and stand there, unsure of what to do.  
  
He gets up from his crouching position and turns around facing me, a beer in his hand. He was always attractive, a tall, well-built figure with soft brown locks that fell in curls around his face. Looking into his shocking blue eyes, I start to feel a little bit fuzzy. He smiles and I bring my hand up to my face, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. My eyes travel to the floor and trail back up to his face. I smile gently and clumsily stroke my sweater, flattening out one of the corners. I can feel myself turning red as look of surprise crawls onto his face and he breaks into a boyish grin.  
  
"Syd?"  
  
***  
  
A/N: don't you just love me? hehe 


	11. back again

Chapter 11  
  
A/N: here's a new chapter!  
  
"Hi" I smiled weakly and entwined my hands behind my back. His grin grew wider and he gestured towards me.  
  
"So you're Francie's roommate! Look at you, you look amazing!" I looked down at the floor smiling and dared to meet his eye again.  
  
"Thanks, you too" So he hadn't lost his charm. I continued smiling at him, feeling like a giddy teenager. I tucked another strand of hair behind my ear and we continued to study each other. He seemed tall and muscular, now casually leaning against the kitchen counter.  
  
"So, how have you been doing lately?" I laughed, trying to regain my steadiness. It was just like it was in the past, a single dazzling smile and I was melting in his hands.  
  
"Busy, you know, with work and all my classes and everything" His eyebrow rose curiously as he took a sip of beer. "You?" He put down the bottle and stood up straight, crossing his arms.  
  
"Yeah, I've been pretty busy too, but spending some time with Fran too. She's great, isn't she?" Before I could respond Francie came sauntering into the room.  
  
"Hey Syd!" She put an arm around him and nodded her head towards me. "I see you and Tom have met" I smiled, but something inside me was churning uneasily.  
  
"Yeah" He said, giving me a knowing look and Francie caught it and grew curious.  
  
"Do you two know each other?" Tom had a tentative look on his face and met my gaze silently. I hesitated.  
  
"Yeah, we were...uh, friends...in high school" He nodded.  
  
"Good friends" He shot me a quick, intense look... or was it just my imagination? Whatever it was, he was back at smiling at Francie before I could notice much.  
  
"Cool" She didn't seem to notice the thick tension hanging in the air as she glowed at us both. I could tell she was happy with Tom, and she deserved to be. I ignored the strange feeling in my gut and sighed.  
  
"Well, it was nice seeing you again Tom, and you Francie" I winked at her and we all laughed. "I've got to go take a shower and I want to get some rest so I guess I'll be seeing you guys"  
  
"Great to see you again, Syd" He extended his hand and I shook it, a fleeting feeling of bliss passing through me as we made contact.  
  
"Bye then," I gave them one last smile and left the room quickly, heading straight for my bedroom. I turned the cold doorknob and entered my room, closing the door and locking it behind me. Then, I collapsed on the bed.  
  
I hadn't expected to see Tom again, even if he was going out with Francie, and most certainly didn't expect to find him in my kitchen. Running into him had been a complete shock, and it was quite uncomfortable, but I know that deep inside I don't regret it. He was still the same, athletic, smart, charming Tom that he had been back in high school; the same Tom I had fallen for long ago. The shrill ring of the phone snapped me back to reality and I yawned sleepily as I reached over the bed for it.  
  
"Hello?" I stifled another yawn as I waited for a reply.  
  
"Joey's Pizza?" A smile grew on my face as I heard the voice on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Sorry, wrong number" I hung up carefully, my fingers lingering on the phone as I thought of the caller. Sighing contently I lifted myself up off the bed and strode towards my closet. I changed into my running clothes, deciding I would jog to the warehouse and take a light run afterwards. In the bathroom I slicked my hair back into a high ponytail and secured it tightly. I washed my face and applied very little makeup, only what was necessary. I approached my bedroom door and stood there a second, listening to the sound of Francie's laughing. I heard them talking joyfully and stayed in my room until I was sure they had left, which didn't take very long. I felt I had needed to stay hidden; I didn't want to go out there again.  
  
Now that the house was empty I left my room freely and wandered back into the kitchen. Serving myself a glass of water, I remembered how stunned I had been when I found out Tom and Francie where dating. It was weird that they were, but I could deal with it.  
  
I placed the empty glass in the sink and turned back around to leave the room, but something caught my eye. I picked up a small note off the counter and unfolded it.  
  
'Syd,  
  
Tom and I are going out, see you later  
  
- Francie'  
  
I turned it around and found another message. It looked like it had been scribbled down quickly, as if in a hurry.  
  
'Happy Birthday, I believe it passed recently?  
  
- T'  
  
I smiled as I tucked the note into the pocket of my windbreaker. I passed through the living room and out the door into the cool breeze outside. I closed my eyes for a second and smiled. It would be nice to see Vaughn again, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad having Tom back in my life.  
  
A/N: a bit short, sorry! Hope you liked it! 


	12. husband and wife

Chapter 12  
  
The gentle wind blows against my face refreshingly as my feet pound against the cold black pavement rhythmically. It tosses my hair around and wipes away the drops of sweat as they begin to roll down my face. I run for many reasons. I run to stay fit, I run for my health, I run to have time to think, I run so I can be me. So that for once, I can stop pretending to be someone else and just be myself. But most of all, I run to escape; to be free. To rid myself of the lies and the pain that I suffer most every day.  
  
But now, I run in peace. I push away everything, every feeling, and just run. I am left in my own small world, just the ground and me. I expect nothing from it, and it expects nothing from me. But all good things must come to an end. I know that in time, I will have to go back to my life; I can't escape forever.  
  
I see the warehouse in the distance, growing larger with every step. I begin to resurface from my daydreams as I approach and prepare myself for what it might have in store for me. I take a deep breath and become once again Agent Bristow, double agent, calm, cool, and collect.  
  
My hand pushes open the cold steel door and I enter the once ominous darkness of the room. Looking around, I locate Vaughn standing in a corner. He continues to stare at the floor as I move towards him and he runs a hand through his hair as if immerged in thought. I look at him for a second, not wanting to disturb his thoughts. I open my mouth but before the words can leave my mouth he looks up and meets my gaze.  
  
"Hey Syd, Sorry about that" He pauses, his forehead wrinkling adorably, "how long have you been watching?" I smile reassuringly at him as he dusts himself off.  
  
"Not long, I just got here a few seconds ago" He nods his head and walks over to my other side.  
  
"Great, going for a run?" He says, acknowledging my outfit.  
  
"Yeah, I ran over here, and I think I'll run for a while afterwards before going home"  
  
"Anyway, the tech guys have been looking at the codes you brought back and they've deciphered a set of latitude and longitude points. You probably won't be getting a mission from SD-6 for a while, since they'll be stumped over the fake codes for a period of time." I nod my head in approval and he continues, "Anyway, from the points they've interpreted that we need to head for Melbourne, Australia." I had always wanted to go on Australia, even if this wasn't exactly the reason I had imagined for visiting.  
  
"So, I'm going to Australia?"  
  
"Yes, you are"  
  
"And do we have any idea what we're looking for?"  
  
"Information. You will be pursuing a man named Eric Brimfield; basically you will be searching his computer, data files, for information on another man by the name of Vincent Ornalais. These two men work together, we are not sure why, but we have enough reason to pursue Ornalais." I nodded my head again.  
  
"You will be under the Alias of Diana Lewis, a rich American tourist visiting Australia with your husband. We'll be staying at The Pearle, a highly exclusive hotel in which Brimfield has been residing for some time. We'll have to break into his room and find the information we're looking for." Mid-nod I stopped abruptly in curiosity.  
  
"Husband? We? What do you mean?"  
  
"Oh, I'll be going with you as your husband, Richard Lewis." His words were quick and strung together and he went slightly red, but brushed it off quickly.  
  
"Oh, okay" I smiled inwardly and could feel the smile leaking onto my face slowly and finally gave in, releasing a grin onto my face. Vaughn and I were going to go on a mission together, as husband and wife. I liked the sound of that.  
  
"Well..." he sighed, "That's about it. We leave tomorrow afternoon" He reached behind him and handed me a small gym bag, "Everything you need for your cover is in here, passport, outfits, wig, everything" I smiled.  
  
"Thanks Vaughn"  
  
"Sure, see you tomorrow?" He smiled nervously back at me.  
  
"Yeah, see you then...hubby" I shot him one last grin and turned, walking out the door. The bag was surprisingly light as I hung it on my shoulder and stepped back into the fresh breeze. My life had taken a turn that I suspected I would enjoy. I began running again and now, with every step I took, the warehouse distanced itself from me, but I didn't mind. I would see him again tomorrow, and now, I was free again, at least for a while. Free to be me.  
  
A/N: Sorry its kind of short, but I figure this was a good place to stop for now. 


	13. disguise

Chapter 13  
  
I've noticed that when I'm on a mission, when I'm in disguise, I have a different taste of freedom. I'm not me, but someone else, escaping my strange life for a couple of fleeting hours and sometimes days. I'm not afraid to be someone else, I'm not afraid to come out and be something exciting and new. It's a whole different freedom, one that sometimes I can cherish, but at times destroys me with the same strength.  
  
I walk different, I talk different, and I look different. Disguises help me come out, and in them I do things I would never do as myself. I walk, no, I strut; my head held high like always, but with an air of authority in every step; in every glide. I wear outrageous outfits and outrageous hair with an undeniable confidence.  
  
The disguise I sport now is barely any different than the rest. It is but another alias to add to my list. A cocky short brown wig and a designer bikini half hidden by a wrap that hangs around my hips is my newest costume. Large sunglasses adorn my face, complemented by the long, dangling earrings hanging from my ears. Yet, this cover is unique. It comes with something I don't usually get to enjoy.  
  
A wonderful, handsome man at my side completes my appearance and encourages my image. He is not only a handsome stranger, but also my partner. But in disguise, he also becomes my husband. The thought makes me smile and spreads pleasure throughout me, because in this man I find an intriguing quality. I hold an unquestionable attraction to this man, though I must hide it. But now, in disguise, I am granted a great freedom. Under this new mask I do not have to hide my feelings. Yes, they will somewhat remain hidden, but they will also somewhat be revealed. I smile to myself as we leave our hotel room and head for the lobby.  
  
"Ready?" he asks, giving me a quick grin.  
  
"Yes I am" And we take off into the small crowds of people gathered in the main area. Side by side, we walk through the room and make our way outside to the pool area. We both look around, trying to seek out our man. He spies our target first as we settle down. We are at the perfect distance, not close enough to arouse suspicion, but close enough to be noticed. Every action is smooth; every twist, every turn, every move is planned.  
  
I remove the wrap first, settling it against the back of the lounge chair. Next are the sunglasses, finished with a slight shake of the head. I slip out of the heeled sandals and look over at Vaughn, who is already sitting and looking around him. He turns his head and his eyes grow wide, surprised. I shoot him a grin and chuckle lightly, tossing my head to be more in character. I sit next to him on the chair and lean towards him. I brush a kiss on one of my fingers and seductively trace it along his lips. He seems slightly dazed from my actions.  
  
"You okay?" I keep my voice low, barely audible. He seems to snap out of the clouds and gives me a reassuring nod.  
  
"Yeah, I'm great" I'm enjoying this a lot more than I thought I would. I have to admit, but with guilty pleasure, that teasing Vaughn is extremely enjoyable. I get up slowly and head straight for Brimfield. My hips glide from side to side as I pass by him and I continue until I reach the pool bar. I order a martini, my signature mission drink and hold it in my hand. I turn and find that I've got Brimfield's attention. With a playful grin I raise my head and hold up the glass. I take a long drink, never losing eye contact and wink. I've got him right were I want him.  
  
I steal a quick glance at Vaughn and see that he is watching out of the corner of his eye. Is it just my imagination, or is there a glint of jealousy lying in those pools of green? I brush it off and concentrate on the task at hand. Holding Brimfield's gaze, I place the glass on the counter next to me and start walking towards him again. I let a smirk onto my face as I pass by him and then sit myself next to Vaughn once again. I lean in again, my mouth next to his ear. My breath is hot against his skin and the words come out slowly.  
  
"Okay, I'm going in. I'll see you in a second" I lean back again and Vaughn looks like he's struggling to pay attention. "Darling, I'm going inside" I make sure my voice is loud enough to be heard by Brimfield and turn my head slightly so he knows this is directed towards him, while really talking to Vaughn. "I'll see you there" I stand up gracefully and place the wrap on my arm. In my hand I hold the sunglasses as I slip into my heels. I walk slowly, a slight flirtatious bounce in my steps. As I enter the lobby again I pretend to adjust my earring, while really turning on the comm. link.  
  
"Did he take the bait?" I hear a tiny bit of static on the other end before his reply.  
  
"Yeah, right on target. He's entering the lobby now." I stood I the corner, running a hand through the wig and looking annoyed. I see Brimfield approaching and change my expression to one of playful delight.  
  
"Hello, Madame" I flutter my eyelashes a couple of times before returning his greeting. His hand slips onto my hip and I do my best to hide he revolting sensation growing inside of me. Reluctantly I pull myself closer to him and whisper into his ear.  
  
"Give me your key and I'll meet you upstairs in a few minutes. I just have to get rid of my husband" His face is hesitant. "Trust me...you won't regret it" My breath lingers on his neck and he pulls back. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a white card. I wink at him as he hands it over. "See you there, handsome" I walk away without looking back, glad to be gaining distance from that disgusting man. "I got it Vaughn, meet you there" I take a deep breath and head for the stairs, "Room 473"  
  
"Right" I look around me and slide past the door to the stairs. I pull off the shoes quickly and run up as fast as I can, only stopping when I reach the 4th floor landing. I put the shoes back on and open the door slightly. After making sure the hallway is empty I pass through the door and walk down the hall. I round the corner and find Vaughn waiting for me. "Got the key?" I show it to him and he nods, "good" we walk quickly down the halls of the hotel, rounding corners with caution, expecting the worst. We round the last corner and find Brimfield taking out his other key to unlock the door. Carefully, I creep up behind him and deliver a swift kick to his head. He drops to the floor and Vaughn hurries over.  
  
He drags an unconscious Brimfield into the room and shoves him into the bathroom. There he takes some handcuffs and secures him to the stand. When he reenters the room I am already searching for the computer. Vaughn searches the desk, while I search the closet. Not finding anything, I continue on to the dresser, pulling out drawers and searching through clothing. I open the bottom drawer and find more clothes, but I catch a clicking sound, like the sound of something unlocking.  
  
"Syd, behind the frame!" I rush over to him and he swings aside the painting on the wall, revealing a now unlocked safe. He's about to open the door to the safe when I stop dead.  
  
"Vaughn" I whisper, "Someone's coming" I don't know what to do and we're both panicking, though we try t hide it. He swings the frame back into place and looks me in the eye.  
  
"Now what do we do, Syd?" The door is about to open and I think we might be caught. With no time to think, I take a risk and act on impulse. I grab Vaughn, hoping this will work.  
  
A/N: All you lurkers out there, please review! Your feedback encourages me to write and I really enjoy and grow from reading your comments! I would appreciate it if you would take a small extra amount of time and post to let me know what you thought. Thanks 


	14. lipstick

Chapter 14  
  
At first he's shocked, but he responds immediately. The sensation is electrifying; it's amazing. I don't think my legs can hold me up any longer and expect my knees to give any second now. So what do I do? Hang on harder, pulling him closer, closer than ever before. Our lips pressed tightly against each other, taking advantage of the situation, seizing this chance before it slips through our fingers, especially since another chance like this might not come a long for a long time, maybe never. I try to convince myself that its just part of the cover, but part of me believes it's more than that. The way he holds me gently, stroking my hair and running his hand up and down my bare back.  
  
Its not the pale moon that excites me  
  
That thrills and delights me, oh no  
  
Its just the nearness of you   
  
The guard's yells go unnoticed. The Hawaiian shirt he wears is unbuttoned, revealing his chest, which has been quite a distraction since the time I first saw him in it. My fingers dig into his hair and he pulls me tighter, pressing my stomach against his chest, our skin making contact. My arms leave his neck and wrap themselves around his stomach underneath his shirt. They rub his back as his hands trace up my arms and massage my shoulders. His mouth travels to my right shoulder and he slides his hand under the strap of the bathing suit, pushing it off to the side and giving him more access. I pull him away from my shoulder and capture his lips with mine again quickly.  
  
A small part of me is telling me we need to stop, that we can't be doing this. The larger part of me is telling me to go for it, to keep going and never let him go. Things are getting out of hand, and I know that soon I'll lose control of myself. All my senses are on a maximum high as I take Vaughn in slowly and I'm suddenly aware of the guard approaching us. As soon as he's close enough I tear myself away from Vaughn and deliver a kick to his side, knocking him over and rendering him unconscious. Breathing heavily I run to the safe as Vaughn checks the guard for weapons.  
  
It isn't your sweet conversation  
  
That brings this sensation, oh no  
  
Its just the nearness of you  
  
"He's unarmed" I turn and look at him quickly. The guard seems to be smaller than most guards, almost weaker, and I think I could have taken him out without making an effort. Vaughn and I make eye contact but quickly break it. I pull the lab top out of the safe and flip it open. I search for the files on Ornalais and when I find them I pop in the disk and start downloading the files. I turn around and Vaughn is coming out of the bathroom. "He's secure," He says, walking towards the dresser and pulling open a cabinet as the files finish downloading. He removes a shirt from the cabinet and slams it shut again. He takes off his shirt and pulls the new one over his head. I pull the disk out of the computer as he tosses me his shirt. "Here, put that on. I'll get the car while you finish up. Meet you out front"  
  
"Okay" He leaves the room and I snap the computer shut and shove it back into the safe. I swing the frame back into place and lock it by opening and closing the lower cabinet. Grabbing the disk, I pull on Vaughn's shirt. I notice it smells really nice and smile to myself as I exit the room rapidly. I run down the hall quietly and take the stairs downstairs. I take a deep breath before I open the door and walk into the lobby. I try not to attract too much attention but I can't help but feel as if everyone's eyes are on me. The fact that several men shoot sly grins and winks at me doesn't help.  
  
When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me  
  
All my wildest dreams come true  
  
I almost run out the door as I see the black, typical CIA car waiting for me off to the side. I pull open the door and get in quickly. As Vaughn drives off I tear the plastic band that says I'm a guest at the hotel off from around my wrist. I look at him out of the corner off my eye and he's staring straight out at the road, but seems to have a lot on his mind.  
  
"Did you get the files?" He asks, never looking away from the road.  
  
"Yeah... I got them" We fall into an uncomfortable silence and I think about turning on the radio, but decide against it. I can't believe what happened between Vaughn and I. It was like being in heaven, and hell, at the same time. The heaven of being in Vaughn's arms and tasting him; feeling his skin against mine. The hell of not knowing whether it's all an act when it feels so real. I couldn't be more embarrassed if it was just an act. I mean, I did get really into it. But if it wasn't fake, then what does that mean for us. Am I just supposed to ignore it, just pretend it never happened?  
  
"So... that went well" His voice seems a little shaky but he's brave enough to look over at me and smile. A wave of relief washes over me as I see that wonderful smile and I can't help but smile myself.  
  
"Yeah, it did" I laugh lightly and when he looks over at me I giggle quietly.  
  
"Vaughn," I reach out and rub my thumb against the corner of his mouth "You have some lipstick on you" He smiles and raises an eyebrow at me jokingly.  
  
"Really? I wonder where that came from" We fall into a more peaceful silence this time and I avert my attention to the scenes outside the window. Australia really is a beautiful place. A couple of minutes later we pull into a parking garage and Vaughn turns off the engine.  
  
"Is this it?"  
  
"Yeah, this is where we'll be staying tonight" He gets out of the car, comes over to my side and opens the door for me to get out.  
  
"Thank you monsieur" I get out of the car and we walk in silence to the elevator. When we step out we're in the lobby of another hotel. It's nowhere near as fancy as the other one, but it's quite nice too. I certainly can't say the CIA stuck us in some dump. He leads me to the main desk and a uniformed man comes up to us.  
  
"Hello and welcome to our hotel"  
  
"Thank you, reservations for Mr. And Mrs. Johnny O'Niel," I notice the change of alias and think that it was a good move. I smile at the guy who comes and takes the bags we brought up with us form the car.  
  
"You are in Room 7, on the 4th floor. Please follow Ben up to your room" He gestures towards the man carrying our bags. We follow Ben into the elevator and Vaughn places his arm around my waist as if it were the most natural action ever. And to tell the truth, it feels natural; it really feels right. We leave the elevator and walk halfway down the carpeted hall, stopping in front of a white door labeled '7'. Ben opens the door and leads us into the room. It's very nice, the walls are a light blue and there are wooden floors. There's a balcony in the bedroom and while Vaughn tips Ben I explore. The bathroom is made of white tile and has a shower and a large tub and in the sleeping area there is a king-sized bed and an armchair near the TV.  
  
I need no soft lights to enchant me  
  
If you'll only grant me the right  
  
To hold you ever so tight  
  
And to feel in the night the nearness of you  
  
Vaughn comes over to me and I smile inwardly, thinking we'll have to share the bed because there's not enough room for either of us to sleep anywhere else. I open my suitcase and pull out some of my things.  
  
"Vaughn, I'm going to go take a shower and change, okay?" He nods and I step into the bathroom. I feel like a nervous teenager as I lean against the closed door giggling.  
  
Lyrics - The Nearness of You by Norah Jones 


	15. sex me' eyes

Chapter 15  
  
I remove the wig and set it on the bathroom counter. Pulling out one hairpin at a time, I look into the mirror. I always look like a mess under these wigs. When all the pins are out I shake my head and my hair flies all around. I turn on the water for the shower to start warming up and undress.  
  
I'm in Australia, possibly the farthest I could get from LA, sleeping in the same room, sharing a bed, with the man of my dreams, who by the way, I just kissed. I can't help but smile at how well this mission is going. I step into the shower and the water falls upon my skin, filling me with warmth from head to toe. I flatten out my hair and close my eyes, letting the water massage my face and glide down my body.  
  
So I'm in a hotel room, alone, with Michael Vaughn. I'm wishing something will happen; wishing we'll break the barrier between us that everyday thins down more and more. I want more than I can have, I want his love, I want him, but I can't have him. He's the one who keeps me going. The one who helps me get through every day and every night, he's my anchor. And I want him, more than anyone could ever imagine. I want him to know what I feel for him, I want to know if he feels the same way about me. Something tells me he does, but I can't be sure. He's the one thing I want most in the world, and is the one thing I probably won't ever be able to have.  
  
I take the soap in my hand and lather my body carefully. Sometimes when I look into his eyes I see something; something that tells me to hang on, to keep fighting, to never give up. I don't know what it is, but it's incredibly strong. It's there when I need it most, I seek it when I need strength, when I need to feel like there's something in this world actually worth living for, and it's always there. It has never before let me down, and I don't think it ever will.  
  
I rinse off and take the tiny little shampoo bottle out of the plastic baggie. I empty some shampoo into my hand and work it into my hair and scalp. I don't know if something will happen between us tonight, I don't know if something will ever happen between us at all. I can only hope that someday I will be free from the lies and betrayal that hold me down firmly, that I will be free from the deceit that binds me like a rope cutting into my skin.  
  
I reach for the knob and turn the water off. I wrap a towel around my head and start to dry off with the other one. I'm back to my giddy teenager mood as I think about Vaughn waiting for me outside. I look over at the large tub on the other side of the bathroom. I'll have to use it tomorrow morning before we leave. I put on an old, faded t-shirt and a pair of blue, plaid boxer shorts. I look into the mirror and moisturize my face with some fluffy white cream from the hotel. I take out some chap stick and apply it and then smile at myself in the mirror. I pull my hair into a messy bun and grab my stuff, leaving the room barefoot, as always. I pack my stuff into my suitcase and close it up again. As I walk into the bedroom, I notice Vaughn lying in the middle of the bed, his tie tossed to the side, barefoot, and with the top buttons of his shirt undone. It's quite a site, and a very nice one too. I roam over to the bed and sit down next to him.  
  
"What are you watching?" I lean against the pillow, edging closer to him.  
  
"Old hockey game" I can see he's extremely intrigued despite the fact that I can guess he's seen the game before. Adjusting my position again, I settle down and within a minute, I am quite engrossed in the game myself. I never liked hockey much, I always found it boring, uninteresting, but suddenly it became an exciting game, full of aggression and passion. The game was interrupted by a commercial and I let out a sigh of disappointment. I turned and noticed Vaughn had been staring at me, looking me up and down, and had looked away as soon as I had turned. I know I must be blushing and I feel like a schoolgirl who just caught her crush looking at her during class.  
  
I'm quite glad to have caught his attention, even without trying, and it pleases me that he found me more interesting than hockey, which I know is his favorite, most beloved sport.  
  
"Good game, isn't it?" I say, smiling foolishly.  
  
"Yeah, but I've seen it before" He returns my foolish grin with one of his own and I have to tear my eyes away from him for a couple of seconds to keep from jumping on top of him and devouring him with kisses. I find myself looking into his eyes again. God, I love his eyes. Suddenly, I let out a giggle and then burst into laughter. His forehead immediately wrinkles and one of his eyebrows pops up in confusion.  
  
"What?" He suddenly seems very self-conscious.  
  
"Nothing..." I'm still laughing so hard.  
  
"Come on Syd, that's something" I try to regain control of myself and take a deep breath.  
  
"Okay...it's just that," and another giggle escapes me," I just realized that you have what Francie would call," and here I go bursting into laughter again.... and really loud too. I must look like a hyena, " 'sex me' eyes" I double over with laughter and then when I come to my senses and look up he's chuckling, but still seems slightly confused.  
  
"Really?" I nod my head, smiling like a fool, once again, "Well then...would you take me up on that offer sometime?" The room goes dead silent. The smiles disappear from both of our faces instantly, but we keep eye contact. I look into his luscious green eyes and am overcome with a desire stronger than I have ever experienced before. We're close, so close I can hear him breathing. I close my eyes, trying to control my own breathing, taking long steady breaths. I'm so close to him, almost touching him, millimeters away from his soft skin. He licks his lips hungrily and trails his eyes down my body slowly, and then back up to my face again.  
  
"Syd..." His hand rises in the air, coming towards my face, but he stops, right before touching my cheek. His hand hovers in the air, as if afraid, unsure. I stare straight into his eyes and I find it there. That glimmer that keeps me going, that gives me strength. And I finally make the connection; I know what I see, or at least I think I do. The barrier that once was between us tumbles down and his hand brushes my cheek, and at that moment I know that the glimmer in his eyes, is reflected in mine. 


	16. further

Chapter 16  
  
His hand lingers on my skin, spreading its warmth throughout me. Disappointment floods through me when he pulls it away gently, and I just want to grab his hand and hold it up to my face again.  
  
His eyes shimmer in the darkness of the room, lit only by the harsh light of the television. The light it lets off plays against the walls, lighting up the shadows briefly like a candle flickering in the gloom. Yet, his eyes stand out astoundingly, full of brightness. My eyes roam his face searching for a reason, an excuse to make this all right.  
  
His hand finds mine and squeezes it gently. A small smile crawls onto my face, but doesn't stay for long. I can feel the tension growing in the room as we stare at each other. I'm full of desire, my body craves him, it yearns for the taste of his lips and the feel of them against mine, for the feel of his soft skin and the way he caresses me gently. I long for his love, for his lust, for him.  
  
His hand runs up my arm, stroking it softly. I almost moan with pleasure just from his tender touch. He massages my shoulder carefully and I close my eyes, enjoying every second of it. He continues, massaging my neck and edging closer ever so carefully. His fingers feel like fire against my cold skin and I pull him closer. He's right next to me, his body almost resting against mine. I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. His face reflects the same emotions I'm feeling and I just want to grab him and pull him even closer, so close that every inch of my body feels as if it is in contact with him and can feel his warmth.  
  
I take hold of his hand and bring it to my waist. My other hand rushes to his face, and quickly draws away from it, as if it had been extremely hot. It quickly makes its way back and I run down my finger down his jaw and down onto his neck. I pull myself closer to him, so that I'm breathing on his neck as my fingers trace little circles upon it, teasing him. His eyes are closed and my finger runs up to his ear, running along his earlobe. I bring my hand down to his chest and rub firm circles against his skin. I let my chest brush against him for a second and then stroke the area of his chest exposed by his partially open shirt. I tug at the closed buttons lightly and playfully. His hand on my waist is already running smoothly against my stomach as he reaches under my shirt. It makes its way back running up the length of my back and then back to my stomach rubbing it softly all the way up to my ribs.  
  
He grabs my hand and forces me off of him gently, and then whispers into my ear. It's his turn. He lays me down next to him and brings his face to me. He tugs down on my shirt lightly and brushes his lips against my collarbone. A moan escapes my lips as he continues to do so. He blows on my skin, sending chills of pleasure down my spine and suddenly, he's on top of me. His body lowers down until his face is millimeters from mine and I can feel his breath on the side of my face.  
  
I look up at him and he leans down, his body pressing against mine. His lips are above mine and our eyes are half closed. But before our lips can meet, he pulls away slightly and positions his head so that he might continue. His arms lie at my sides and he tugs down at my shorts lightly. One hand strokes right below my right hip and the other pulls my shirt up and runs along the outside of my bellybutton. He blows into my ear playfully, goose bumps rising all over my body. The hand once playing around my bellybutton now presses against my belly as he begins to softly nibble my ear. A murmur of nonsense leaves my lips, followed closely by his name. I pull him to my face again and bite my lower lip.  
  
"You're killing me, you know that right?" He responds with a grin and I pull him down against me. Our lips brush together every few seconds from the closeness and we stay in that position for a couple of seconds. But then, something stirs in the back of my mind. Every single part of my mind and body is telling me yes, but I can't. I look right at him, my eyes pleading and in his eyes I see how much he cares for me, his lust for me, I see how much he wants this to happen, and I know that its what I want too. But I can't, not now, not like this. I see disappointment flash in his eyes, and I can see how much I mean to him. In his eyes I now find a somber emptiness, and I can't stand it. Where is my glimmer, my hope?  
  
"I better go take a shower" He begins to pull away but I bring him back down to me. His eyes light up, thinking maybe I've changed my mind. But I haven't.  
  
"Thank you" the words leave my lips slowly and I can't help but press my lips lightly against his for a couple of seconds. He gives me a weak smile and pushes himself off of me. As he leaves the room I know we've reached an understanding. He knows I care for him, I know he cares for me, but there's still something holding me back. Everything is still fine between us; I know he'll wait for me. But now that I can't feel him against me, now that he's not with me, and showing me his affection, I feel hollow. I sit up and lean back against my pillow, letting my arm stretch out to where he was, by my side. A single tear escapes me and I wipe it away rapidly. But there's nothing I can do, after the first, they just seem to pour out, one after the other, and they all start coming down. 


	17. comfort in uncertainty

Chapter 17  
  
Recklessly, I crawl under the covers and sink into the bed. For a while, I just lie there, letting my tears flow and staining the sheets under me as they drop from my face carelessly. I wish he were holding me, comforting me, making everything okay again. But how could he be, after what I've just done to him. How can I show him that I still want him to hold me and be with me, how can I treat him so unfairly? How can I be so selfish? All this man does is give and all I do is take, without giving anything in return.  
  
I dry my tears with the sheets and take a deep breath. I can hear the sound of the water running in the bathroom and let it soothe me as I close my eyes. Why is it that I've turned down what I want most? I was offered a chance to make my wildest dreams come true, and I didn't take advantage of it. I had him, and I let him go. I have to do something to let him know I'm still his, something to let him know that he's still the only one I love. He knows I care for him, I know he does, but my actions contradict my feelings so strongly that I have to do something. I fear if I don't, he will believe that I no longer feel anything for him, and I can't let that happen.  
  
Without him I am nothing. If I lose him, I lose myself. He's my strength and he is my will. If it weren't for him, there'd be nothing worth living for. I started my fight against SD-6 for revenge, I wanted justice for what they had done to Danny, but with every failure, I fall deeper into the hellhole that is now my life. With every wrong turn I take I am thrown deeper into this chaos and grow father away from leaving this mess.  
  
Every day is another battle, and at the end of each day I know I must face the same brutality again the next morning. I inflict harm upon SD-6 everyday as well, but the mistakes that I make seem to wipe away any progress I've made since. There are times in which I just want to give up, there have been times in which I have actually thought of ending my own life. But I hang on, with the hope that one day it will all be over, and it is he who keeps me going. It is he who makes me stronger and tells me to keep trying. I continue for him, so that someday I can have everything that I work so hard for, so that one day I can have him without having to worry about the danger, without having to risk our lives. But will that someday ever come into existence, or will I be forever trapped in this world?  
  
A sigh leaves my lips and I come out from under the covers. My mind has been made. I hear as he shuts off the water and realize I don't have much time left before he comes back out. I think hard, reaching into every corner of my mind, and the only reason I can come up with for holding back is the risk; the large risk that we would be running by being together. I need to get over that; in my life there is always a risk.  
  
It's a risk every time I meet with Vaughn, it's a risk every time I go on a mission, and it's a risk every time I follow through with my counter- mission. If my life is already full of so many hazards, what will one more, one that will actually help me, one that will actually make me happy, as I have not been for such a long time, what will one more matter? But reaching into every corner of the mind does not always satisfy a mater of the heart.  
  
At that moment the door opens and in he walks. He's wearing his boxers and a T-shirt and is rubbing at his head with a towel. He hangs the towel on his shoulder and throws me a grin. I smile at how cute he looks, his hair all messy and all over the place. He wipes his face with the towel one more time and hangs it on the doorknob to dry.  
  
"Comfortable?" I look around and realize I've made a mess of the bed and am sitting in the middle with the blankets all wrapped around me. I try to conceal my blush as he laughs at me.  
  
"Clean?" He runs a hand through his hair and walks over to the side of the bed.  
  
"You better hope I am" He winks at me and kind of jumps onto the bed, causing me to giggle. I partially unwrap the blanket from around me and toss it to him. He settles under it at what seems so far away. I look into his eyes, letting him know that it's all right, that I'm sorry. He seems to understand; he always does, and scoots closer to me.  
  
"Are you up for some tv?"  
  
"Sure, maybe we'll find another hockey game on" He says thoughtfully.  
  
"There are other things besides hockey, you know"  
  
"I do know, I just happen to like hockey" He picks up the remote and takes my hand, placing the remote in it, "but I'll let you choose what we'll watch tonight" He makes it seem as if we could do this every night, and how I wish we could. I take the remote and flip through the channels. There seems to be nothing good on, just some bad movies and news.  
  
"Finally. Now this is quality entertainment" I put the control on the table by my side of the bed and smile at him.  
  
"Good old hockey" We both laugh and settle back to watch the game.  
  
"I bet the Caps win" He looks at me sternly, and then fails and starts chuckling.  
  
"Syd, I..." he falters and just smiles at me. What was it he wanted to say? I think I know as I lean my head against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and I close my eyes for a second. It all seems so natural, it seems so right. I don't think I've ever been more comfortable with anyone before.  
  



	18. room service, then bliss

Chapter 18  
  
I stir noiselessly as my eyelids flutter open, squinting from the light spilling in through the window on the other side of the room. I feel warmth all over, and the pleasant sunlight plays against my face deliciously as I close my eyes again. I feel safe, protected, and so comfortable; for a moment I can't remember where I am, but then I feel him, under me. My head lies upon his chest, his arms wrapped around me affectionately, our legs intertwined. I take a deep breath and smile, capturing the way he smells of clean, fresh soap, yet also of a spicy cologne, and engraving it into my memory to linger upon in later days.  
  
I lay quietly, my eyes still closed, perfectly in peace. I don't know what could be better than waking up in Michael Vaughn's arms on a beautiful morning like this. His hand runs along my arm soothingly as I melt into his soft embrace.  
  
"Good Morning" He says, his voice a little dry, having just woke up. But I love the sound of it; I wish it could be like this all the time, every morning for the rest of my life. I reply with a sigh and a smile I know he can feel. He breathes in my hair, exhaling deeply and then planting a kiss on my forehead, the feel of his lips against my skin staying with me. I realize I must have fallen asleep during the game last night.  
  
"Who won last night?" I say, emitting a yawn mid-sentence. His face still pressed against my hair, he smiles.  
  
"Caps won, you were right" He pulls away from my hair, whispering into my ear, "how did you sleep?"  
  
"Great. I don't think I've slept this well in years" I know it was probably just the comfort of his presence, the strange feeling of security, lulling me to sleep. "How about you?"  
  
"Amazingly. I don't think I've ever slept this well when you were on a mission" He says, chuckling lightly. I feel a trickle of guilt, knowing I cause him loss of sleep when I'm away. He cares about me so much, worries about me, tries to keep me away from danger, even though he knows that danger is always with us. We are danger, us, our relationship. Even without him, I am always in danger, yet with him, I feel safe, for once.  
  
"How long have you been awake?"  
  
"Just a minute or so before you woke up, but you seemed so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you" We fall into a comfortable silence, in each other's arms, relaxed, laying cozily in the middle of the sea of blankets that is the bed. I think I drift in and out of sleep in these few calming minutes, a time in which we can be together, alone, and in harmony. He strokes my hair lovingly throughout the entire period, his hand finding mine and clasping it gently, his thumb periodically running over the palm of my hand. We are in our own world, lost in the serene silence of the moment. Nothing exists around us; it's him and me, unaccompanied by some unwanted presence. I know we can both feel that we should get up, have some breakfast, get ready to leave, but I don't think either of us is ready to break the hushed, still atmosphere.  
  
Minutes later, we know we must. We come to a silent agreement and simultaneously pull away from each other. I raise my head off of him and run my hands over my hair, smoothing it out. I lie back and extend my arms above my head in a large stretch, accompanied by another yawn. He's first out of bed, and walks over to my side, sitting on the edge.  
  
"Come now, princess. It's time to get up," He says playfully. I grin smugly and he stands and holds out his hand to me. I grab onto it and he helps pull me up and out of bed, straight into his arms again. I lean my head on his shoulder, my breath playing against his neck. He pulls away, cupping my face in his hands. "Come on gorgeous, it's time to eat."  
  
He leads me towards a small table off to the side of the room, by the sliding glass doors that lead out to the balcony. It has two chairs and is adorned by a simple white tablecloth. A tall vase stands in the middle, filled with about a dozen beautiful, bright sunflowers all in their prime and glory. He lets go of my hand and walks over to the sliding doors, drawing open the curtains and letting in a bust of sunlight and a beautiful view.  
  
The curtains give way to a whole new world outside, filled with splendor and beauty. The perfectly green grass of the hotel and further out the white, sandy beaches, crowded with people. The blue-green waves wash over the sand, crashing repeatedly and endlessly into the shore. The sky is a clear, startling blue, barely any clouds are found in it, and the sun shines bright filling the whole environment with a sort of ecstasy.  
  
He pulls the door open and we both take a deep breath of the salty, yet fresh, sea air. The sound of the roaring of the waves is heartening as a light breeze blows into the room and tosses around my hair. I walk up to his side, neither of us taking our eyes off of the view, and I take his hand, squeezing it gently. We stand, looking out at this beautiful sight. I close my eyes and concentrate on the sweet sensation of this place. The sound of children playing reaches my ears, gasping, laughing, and giggling with joy; the hum of the crowd, the squawking of the seagulls as they fly around, circling the beach. It's all so glorious.  
  
"This is beautiful, Vaughn. It's breathtaking." He nods his head.  
  
"Yes, it's incredible how everything is so calm and cheerful. Truly marvelous" He reluctantly looks away and pulls a small menu off of the table. Still holding my hand, he guides me out onto the balcony and we sit on a bench outside. He opens up the menu and holds it in front of us. "So, what would you like for breakfast, Mademoiselle?" I smile at the use of the elegant, French word, and how he says it in such a lighthearted manner. I skim over everything on the menu and furrow my brow in thought.  
  
"I don't know, everything sounds so delicious!"  
  
"I know. It does, doesn't it?" We both laugh and begin to debate the different options good-naturedly. He says maybe we should try the poached eggs, I say we could also try the scrambled. He says poached is more exotic, I ask how poached is exotic and he replies that it sounds more foreign, even though its not. I give in, laughing at his answer. He points out that we should get some fruit and some milk, I point out that it would be better and we'd save more money if we just got smoothies. It's his turn to give in this time. Based on our decisions, we make our choices and shake hands jokingly once finished.  
  
He leaves me on the balcony while he goes inside, and through the window I can see him calling and ordering our food through room service. After about a minute, he joins me outside.  
  
"The food will be ready in about half an hour," He tells me.  
  
"When does our plane leave?"  
  
"Well, right now it's 11:30 and the flight leaves at 4:30 in the afternoon, which means we've got to leave at about 2:00 to have enough time to check out, catch a cab, and make it to the airport with plenty of time to spare."  
  
"Perfect, gives us just enough time to eat and get ready" He smiles at me and gives my hand a quick squeeze.  
  
"I'm going to go use the bathroom, I'll be right back" I nod my head and he lets go of my hand and enters the room once again, disappearing through the bathroom door. I sit quietly, looking out at the ocean. I've always found the ocean comforting, the sound of the waves rolling into the beach has been one that I've always been prepared to hear, and that I've heard on many trips when after a hard day it lulls me to sleep, preventing another hard night.  
  
I stand up and hold on to the railing, bending forward to look off to the sides. The peach-colored walls of the hotel buildings blend in with its surroundings, couples walk down the paths, hand in hand, their hats covering their smiling faces as they walk towards the beach and back, their beach sandals creating a beat of flips and flops with each step. Children run in circles, chasing each other, tossing beach balls, playing their games, and just enjoying the moment. They don't know how lucky they are, but one day they will look back upon this day and realize that what they felt was true happiness, freedom, and love.  
  
I'm startled by the sound of knocking and hear the bathroom door open. I hear as Vaughn opens the door and greets Ben, who has brought our breakfast. Could it be that I've been out here thinking for half an hour? Time sure went by fast. I listen as Ben wheels in the cart of food and Vaughn tips him. The door shuts and I turn around. Vaughn's standing directly in front of me, and I look at him and smile. He comes towards the closed glass door and stands in front of it. I slide it open, getting rid of the obstruction. I reach out and take his hand and without a word he walks me over to one of the chairs.  
  
He lets go of my hand and pulls out the chair for me; he's such a gentleman. I sit down and he pushes my chair back into place properly. He receives a sweet smile and a small murmur of thank you from me. The wonderful smell of breakfast fills the air and I release a sigh at the delicious odor. He walks over to the cart and I begin to get up again.  
  
"Vaughn, really, you don't have to, I can get it myself..." He comes over and takes my hand, bringing it up to my lips.  
  
"Let me do it, sit down please" I manage to nod and sit, and he places a kiss on my forehead and returns to the cart. He picks up my plate and places it on the table in front of me. I look up at him and smile genuinely.  
  
"Thanks" I look down at my food, a plate covered in food consisting of poached eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. It all looks delicious. Vaughn picks up his own plate and sets it down on his side of the table. He picks up the vase of sunflowers and transfers them to a small end table by the armchair. Then, he sits in front of me and we place our napkins in our laps.  
  
"Bon appetite" He says, bringing yet another smile to my face. He looks so gorgeous and wonderful when he smiles himself that I can't bear it and have to look down at my food before returning my gaze to him. I pick up my toast, but before I can take a bite he holds up his hand to stop me. I look at him, confused and he points to a jar on the side of the table.  
  
"Vegemite"  
  
"You have to try it, Syd. I mean we are in Australia!" I give in and pick up the jar. I feel very brave and daring as I smother some of the substance onto my toast. I look at him cautiously.  
  
"Vaughn are you sure about this? Is there some extra toast? You know...just in case" He laughs and nods. I close my eyes and bite off a mouthful. I open them again, chewing slowly, taking in the taste of this new foreign substance. "Hmmm... This stuff is pretty good," I say, slathering more onto my toast.  
  
"Whoa...watch it, it's good if you have a little, but If you put too much...well, you never know," He says, surprised I like it. He takes some himself and we begin to eat. I take a sip of my mango smoothie and make a noise of approval.  
  
"Oh... this is very good!"  
  
"Everything is excellent." We continue eating, making simple conversation over the course of the meal, talking about home, our friends, and everything we don't already know about each other. I never knew all the little details about Vaughn, the ones that are sometimes most important. It was great to be sharing this with him. He finishes before me and removes the napkin from his lap. I feel very self-conscious, as he watches me eat, for some strange reason; I finish quickly afterwards. As I'm placing my napkin on the table he grabs my hand and looks into my eyes.  
  
"This was great Syd, I'm so glad I could spend some time with you. Did you enjoy this?"  
  
"Yes, so much Vaughn. You have no idea how much" I stand up and walk over to him. He stands as well and smiles weakly. "It's been great, really it has"  
  
"Yes, it has" He wraps his arms around me and I rest against him and close my eyes. I refer back to my earlier thoughts; one day, I will look back on this day and realize that what I am feeling, what I have felt, is true happiness, freedom, and most of all, love.  
  
A/N: Pure fluff, I know. I did have some good action planned for it though. I had written a bit more to this story, but I couldn't carry on. It just wavered off and I couldn't bring it back. Anyway, this seemed like a good place to stop. I hope to move forward to better things. So I guess this is The End. 


End file.
